I have to tell you just how I feel

I am a hormonal, sans anti-depressant mess. I slept I swear 14 hours today. Pissed away my entire Sunday. Even now, I am tired and will be headed to bed shortly. I cried watching the Police reunion on the Grammys, I cried watching like 10 minutes of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and cried as Tom got ready to go into work. Oh yeah, and when I thought about the fact I have to go into work tomorrow.

Yeah, this weekend was a basic loss and I have to start the week tomorrow at 5 am. Oi. I am a complete mess. I don't really now how to deal with it other than trying to gut it out. Our apartment at the moment is not fit for outsider consumption. It's a mess but I cannot bring myself to really clean it. It doesn't stink or anything, it's cluttered and thinking about it wears me out. That's the depression more than the pregnancy. I remember feeling like this all too well. It's a horrible feeling.

I go back to the doctor on Wednesday. I am going to talk to her about any options I may have. I know there are possible risks but I am not sure which is the bigger risk if I cannot get myself together. We shall see. I am crossing my fingers that there is something we can come up with.

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