welcome to the cheap seats

I admit it, I cannot help myself -- I always end up watching Dateline's To Catch a Predator. It's a horrible train wreck and a sad commentary but damn; why do these people never learn? Every time they do these stings several people show up, not one or two, but they end up arresting several.

I am not about to criticize meeting people on the Internet. I met my first husband on the Internet and when I first graduated from college (dear lord, 12 years ago) I used to visit chat rooms. Most of them were lame. People only want to talk to you about hooking up, or cyber sex. As a woman going into a chat room, it hardly ever took more than 5 minutes before several windows would pop up for private chat.

The Internet offers an interesting experience. There was a New Yorker cartoon that I had a postcard of for years that I thought was hysterical. There are 2 dogs, sitting at a computer -- one saying to the other "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." It's so damn true. You can reinvent yourself at any given time to be anything you want. I used to think it was hilarious. However, I was 24, I knew what it was about. I had the experience to know when it was a good idea and most of the time didn't meet anyone in person. I can't imagine talking to someone who identifies themselves as a kid; kids do not have the experience or the ability to judge a situation for safety. Even if you talk to them because you think they are lying or anything else -- but to SHOW UP AT A HOUSE? Drive hundreds of miles?

Are they really that many people (and most of the people who show up are men) who want to have sex with kids? Really? Dear lord. Are they so lonely or immature that they cannot handle dealing with people their own age? Is it severe lack of confidence?

It amazes me how they all have the same excuse -- "I was checking on the girl/boy because she was alone," "I was going to teach her how dangerous it can be to meet people online" Some of them even mention seeing the show before. I also love the ones who claim they were "seduced" by the kid. Lovely. You could be sitting next to these people on the bus.

Yeah, I am ranting, I shouldn't try to post while the tv is on.

that's entertainment

I want to thank Melissa Etheridge for both kissing her wife on camera and thanking her as "my wife" in her Oscar speech. I also want to thank Ellen for the joke "he just can't accept we'll never be together; George Clooney." Awesome.

I don't know why I watch the Oscars. Any more, I have very rarely seen the movies that are nominated. I have to wait until they come to DVD between my work and the fact they're damn expensive. I like the film reel of those who have passed away in the last year. The funny bit about comedians being bitter at the Oscars was pretty good too. The shadow dancers who do the car commercials was a little strange but hey whatever.

I adore Phillip Seymour Hoffman -- why did he come on stage looking so hideous? Eww. Even for an independent film actor I would think the Oscars warranted a shower and a comb. I would also like know who lets some of these actresses dress the way they do. YUCK. I kept waiting for an appearance by Jennifer Hudson's nipple during the song medley.


NO NO NO NO!!! Holy crap the Pogues Sunny Side of the Street in a Cadillac commercial???? Holy shit. I suppose we'll get The Sex Pistols shilling Happy Meals next? (sorry, just saw the commercial, had to comment)


I did manage to master some cleaning this evening. Here is the secret -- 10 minutes of cleaning, sit for 5 or so, 10 minutes of cleaning, sit for more. Yee haw

Darn...I was rooting for Peter O'Toole. Forest Whittaker is cool too but I always root for the old guard.

Alright. All I wanted to really write about was actually getting through some cleaning. But hell the tv is on. Seriously Martin Scorsese hasn't one an Oscar before? Wow. Although I have to say it's nice to someone other than Clint win. Seems like every time he makes a movie it wins.

Ok. Departed takes movie of the year. Interesting. I will probably not see that one in all honesty. I haven't been a fan of DiCaprio since Gilbert Grape.

On than note, I will end this pointless this entry to get ready for some sleep and a new week of work tomorrow.

hit me baby one more time

Someone needs to help this little girl. She is freaking out and probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am not a fan of her music and I think she's got some serious growing up to do to be a mom to her two kids but it's obvious she is not handling any of this well.

Had she not spent a DAY in rehab and been out drinking every night ridiculously for several months -- I would say maybe she's thinking "Screw You! Stare at this!" Sadly, I don't think she's that sound of mind. Seeing this story the last 2 days has made me sad for her, and more so, her little boys. Where the hell is her mom?

Someone needs to get her to a secluded house, rehab center, ashram, whatever and let her be alone with some serious counseling. If not, I see another premature celebrity death.

I follow where my mind goes

Woke up this morning completely freaked out from a horrible nightmare where I was in a room or a shelter of some kind and they were passing out dead babies wrapped in little blankets. I called in to work I was so worked up and anxious. Lame I know.

But...I went to the doctor and things are looking good!! I got to hear the heartbeat of the bean and it made me cry. Nice steady and strong. Got to see it swimming around -- so much so we had to wait to capture the heartbeat over the shushing sound. Best Valentine ever. I go back in 2 weeks and they will take blood to start checking for chromosomal problems and in 10 more weeks; we will be able to discover the gender. Woo Hoo! I am very excited about that. It was a great afternoon.

I was going to type some more but I admit it, I'm beat and I do have to work tomorrow.

And we all lose our charms in the end

I was avoiding talking about Anna Nicole Smith. Partly because frankly, up until her death I was darn sick of hearing about train wreck of a life. I feel sorry for her. Now, I feel for her little girl. Her mother did drugs, her 1/2 brother died because of drugs -- what chance does this little one have in the crazy environment she is in? She doesn't have a chance in hell of leading a normal life. I can already see the news stories that will follow her for the rest of her life. We'll see her when she goes to school and lord help her if she slips up at all in her life.

I also want to know the reasoning of "preserving her body" until the 20th and another court date. Unless they are wanting to perform a DNA test to make sure Anna Nicole is the mother of the baby, it shouldn't make a difference. Seems almost like a sick joke to have her sitting in a cooler somewhere for no reason. Also -- why won't Howard K Stern submit to the paternity test? Doesn't the baby deserve to at least know who her father is? It does make them all look like gold diggers for whatever money she may or may not inherit.

What I would like to see now -- or at least would make me laugh, is for several more semi-celebrities come out and claim paternity. How about Tom Arnold? He has had no face time in a while. Claiming he's the daddy gets him easily a week on Entertainment Tonight and probably a spot on Larry King. Andy Dick usually loves attention, he could be all over this. I would love to see Ellen claim paternity in her opening monologue at the Oscars.

Yeah, I am going to hell. But hey, if we're going to make it a circus, let's go all out.

I have to tell you just how I feel

I am a hormonal, sans anti-depressant mess. I slept I swear 14 hours today. Pissed away my entire Sunday. Even now, I am tired and will be headed to bed shortly. I cried watching the Police reunion on the Grammys, I cried watching like 10 minutes of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and cried as Tom got ready to go into work. Oh yeah, and when I thought about the fact I have to go into work tomorrow.

Yeah, this weekend was a basic loss and I have to start the week tomorrow at 5 am. Oi. I am a complete mess. I don't really now how to deal with it other than trying to gut it out. Our apartment at the moment is not fit for outsider consumption. It's a mess but I cannot bring myself to really clean it. It doesn't stink or anything, it's cluttered and thinking about it wears me out. That's the depression more than the pregnancy. I remember feeling like this all too well. It's a horrible feeling.

I go back to the doctor on Wednesday. I am going to talk to her about any options I may have. I know there are possible risks but I am not sure which is the bigger risk if I cannot get myself together. We shall see. I am crossing my fingers that there is something we can come up with.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Are they any other 80's-type kiddos who are grown up and horrified at the number of 80's tunes that are showing up in commercials? It's starting to make me feel like a baby-boomer.

WENDY'S is using Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes to advertise their fish sandwich! Fish sandwich? Are you kidding me? Yuck. I saw the Violent Femmes open for the Pixies last summer. If I thought they needed rent money I wish they had put out a tip-jar. I would have thrown in 5 bucks to NOT see a commercial with their song in it.

A cover of Melt with You is the background for a car commercial. Well, a cross-over GMC vehicle. I think they came up with the word "cross-over" to hopefully avoid having eggs thrown at another gas-guzzling SUV by the members of Greenpeace. I could be wrong.

There have been others which I cannot remember at the moment but dammit, I am not really ready to be target-marketed with songs of my youth.

I resolve to call her up, a thousand times a day

Oi so another great day at work talking to the happy tv consuming masses. Ack. I am so tired of hearing people complain. Without my meds and whatever role hormones are playing in my system, I fight tears several times a day. Not on the phone calls necessarily, but when I have a few moments to myself at lunch or break when I actually get to take it. I have no idea why but some agents have the impeccable timing to have a major question when I am trying to make it the bathroom. I have had one agent follow me into the bathroom to ask her question. WHAT THE HELL? Seriously. I am not a person apparently.

Every person who calls and demands free equipment or programming are all wealthy, "It's not the money, I have a million dollar home." "I am not trying to get anything free because I make more in a month than you make all year." Ok, so tell me why you're calling again? "I have owned my own business for 60,000 years and your customer service sucks, I would fire every one if they worked for me." Thanks. I appreciate it. Yes I am dying to help you now. I can't wait to go home to try to decide which bills to pay this month while you piss and moan about your 4 hd tvs. Yes indeedy.

And does Armageddon seriously have to play every single day? I can't get away from that damn movie. Geez. Beat me to death slowly with a smarmy cheese hammer ok?

I don't want to turn this blog into a piss and moan fest but I am burned out and I really would rather be concentrating about being happy about being pregnant. Instead, I am listening to this stuff every day and thinking about how I am going to even try to afford the terrible new health insurance plan. I don't think I am asking for a heck of a lot. Just not to worry every single day and not to spend 8 hours a day having my character assaulted.

A bright note -- Tom started a new job today. Woo hoo. Hopefully he will keep it and all will go well. That will bring some relief to the financial situation which will lower the stress. Maybe that will help take the sting out of the nut jobs who call to demand and scream.

I've tried to discover...a little something to make me sweeter

It's been a hell couple of weeks. Minus my meds and plus the hormones, I'm a nutball extraordinaire. I had to leave the breakroom at work because they were playing "Armageddon" (which is a cheesy piece of shite and I HATE Ben Affleck) but at the pivotal scene where Bruce Willis shoves young dude into the airlock and is going to die himself....waterworks. I have seen bits of this movie a million times. I don't even like the movie...but damn.

It's also been a tough time in the marriage. Without going into details, it's been exhausting. Tom still is not working and Dish has changed the health insurance. Now, I have a 2,500 deductible before ANY service, prescription, anything is covered. I still get to pay close to $200 a month for the privilege of the "coverage" of course. So I am looking at putting out an insane amount of money before the bean is born. I am not sure how we are going to do it if Tom doesn't get SOMETHING...ANYTHING soon. I don't want to be the harpie wife but seriously, I wish he was working at Taco Bell at this point.

I can't believe it's Monday again already. Weekends are not long enough. There is a blackout on taking time off for the next 2 weeks because of our price increase -- which means angry people. That's another thing I am having a really hard time with. Every time I get on a supervisor call and I have to have someone calling me a dumb whore or bitch it just tears at my soul. It's TV people. Gimme a break, I'm an expectant mommy without her Prozac and you are going to make me cry. It's hell on earth. Every.single.day. It's a good thing I do not have my chosen mutant power of being able to set people on fire with my mind. There would be a lot of fried folks. My self control is pretty low at the moment.

I would love at some point to be able to talk to someone who treats customer service people like trash and ask them why they feel so entitled. I understand frustration, seriously, I'm a consumer too. Never have I ever cussed at another human being on the phone. I have never called anyone a dumb bitch, or a whore or cunt or anything else. Ever. If my service was ever shut off because I didn't pay the bill, I would take responsibility for the fact I didn't pay it. I don't call my cell phone company and demand free phones. I realize I got a free phone when I started and if I want something with more bells and whistles, I have to pay for it. Why don't Dish customers get it? Why are they nasty and degrading? I would LOVE to hear someone's justification for that -- or hell...why they think calling me a dumb bitch would make me want to help them more?

I have been threatened with physical violence. Over television. Seriously. A customer told me flat out he was going to fly out to beat my ass. Me. 5'1" me who is no closer to the CEO that the guy who waxes the floor. Guess what? They hire people like US to take your phone calls because they don't have to. Get over it. You are not anymore important than the 600000 other people who call every day thinking they are going to talk to the president of the company. They pay us piss ants to talk to you piss ants. They don't care about you. At all. I wouldn't either if I didn't have to hear it day after day after day. I work in a department where the agents are SURPRISED to talk to someone polite. Get it?

Ugh OK I didn't mean to go off on quite such the Dish rant. I'm just dreading going into work tomorrow to the same old thing.