Indicate precisely what you mean to say

Ahhhh...week over. Thank the maker, this oil bath is going to feel...oh wait. That's not me, that's a droid talking. However I did manage to make it to payday and only had to take about 8 sup calls, 2 of whom were wacky lunatics. I am constantly amazed at how stressed and goofy people get about TV. I am trying to imagine how they get through life when they come UNGLUED over something so trivial.

Don't get me wrong, I like my mindless entertainment. However I would never freak out and call someone a cunt because I wasn't getting all my programming for free. I don't pay for my TV. We have 5 channels. I can watch the assorted things I am interested (god help me, America's Next Top Model) when I happen to remember when they're on. I hope someone slaps the life out of me the day I treat another human being the way some of these people do my agents and me.

When I spoke to my mom this evening to make plans for which day of the weekend I will take her to the store and help with bed changing and such -- I could hear the grandmonster in the background calling out "Help Me... Help me!" It's crazy making. As soon as you go in, she either doesn't remember calling out, or she is asleep and calling out, or wants something like a drink of water. We have given her a bell, but she won't use it. Use the little remote for the bell to pound of her nightstand? Heck yes, call out "I'm dying!" yes she loves that one too. However it's not like you can ignore it. What if she has fallen out of bed? What if something is really needing to be done. It's kind of like standing on the starting blocks of a foot race -- ALL DAY. Your muscles jumping involuntarily at the slightest noise. Cancer is an ugly thing. Old age isn't so swift either. Slowly stealing your mind and the words you have used for more years than not.

It's a lot like death...or intelligent design or whoever you would like to credit for existence gets you ready for this part of your life by slowly taking things one at a time. Food becomes less enjoyable, your body temperature is as accurate as the thermostat on a VW...hot...cold...hot...cold. You can see the exact thing you want and the word is not there. Maybe a blanket is a cat, your granddaughter is your dead son, whatever. Like growing in reverse. You become more dependent, you can't get yourself to the bathroom, can't feed yourself. All the milestones your parent's glowed over, your family now aches for you as you lose. Finally you just stop. Back to the simplest of forms...and then you become goo. Just like you started. Horrible to watch for the second time.

I am going to head up to the loft in our apartment to paint and lose my mind for a bit. Wipe my brushes on my shirt and pretend there isn't anything but my yellow table and the pile of stuff around me.

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