Brief update. I am going in tonight to have labor induced. My blood pressure was back up today at my check-up and she decided to see if they had a bed for me...and they did.
I am a little freaked since I thought we would have another 2 weeks but here we go. I should have my little pirate sometime tomorrow afternoon/evening most likely.
8.28.2007
7.25.2007
Deathly Hallows
Yep, finished it. I was done at about 5:30 pm on Saturday. Little later than I usually tear through those books, but after we picked it up at midnight I could only read for a couple of hours before my eyes started to cross and I couldn't discern if the language I was reading was actually English or not, so I had to admit defeat.
I slept a few hours and then read the rest. It's AMAZING! I loved it. Once the move is completely done and the apartment just a 3-floor memory, I will read it again. It's possibly my favorite in the series, which is a really tough call. It's also a bummer for me to think there will not be other books. However, I think she did an excellent job and treated the whole thing in the best way in my opinion. My mom is now done -- course she completely cheated and read the end. It was maddening because she did it in front of us. We were all sitting around the kitchen table getting started at 12:20 and she kept making noises of exclamation. I finally had to threaten physical violence.
Tom is not done yet, neither is my dad which is sorta maddening because it takes a lot of effort not to let anything slip when they talk about theories and where they are in the book. For the last book that came out I had to give my dad an ultimatum --finish in 3 days or I am blowing the ending. Course I didn't but dang it's hard!
In other news, I quit my job yesterday. Wasn't my plan, but sometimes things happen that make you realize it's time to go.
I was "getting feedback" from my manager yesterday morning. We get semi-annual reviews. Well, we do now, it used to just be annual but hey, whatever. I got raves, except "Meridith seems to have lost focus lately" Really? I wonder why that would be. Not that I haven't been doing my job just fine lately, but I seem scattered.
That wasn't the trigger. The subject of my pregnancy came up. Since there is the possibility of a c-section, this makes a difference in my leave. Or it could. Now, I am also currently covered under the FMLA act. I have so many hours I can use for doc's appointments, feeling like crud or anything related to my pregnancy. It's federal law and it protects my job. So my manager tells me she is "going to try to win Marci (my general manager, her boss) back over to my side" I ask what this means since I was not aware she wasn't "on my side"
Well she mentioned that you are "just another pregnant lady who calls in throughout her pregnancy." I'm sorry...WHAT? Um...ok. This is time I am legally entitled to and frankly, if it's a huge problem, why I am hearing about it now? I was also just plain surprised she actually said this out loud to me. Pretty unprofessional to repeat it to me as well if it was actually said.
What else comes out of this meeting? One of the other coaches says he should get my shift because he's always here and he deserves it. Again -- why is this being repeated to me? Now, normally I don't care about what sort of gossip is said about me. I am one of the top performing coaches EVERY time. Every time, not once in awhile, every time. My team's stats (which is the only thing call centers every care about) are always good. For the first 3 quarters were the top team. So it's maddening to hear that there is some question NOW.
So I left her office shortly after that went to my break. Being a rational pregnant lady -- I started to cry. There are not many things that I detest doing. Crying anywhere public, is one of them. How was supposed to feel ok about using leave until I go into labor? Yeah I decided now was the time. Obviously it was an issue, even if they wouldn't address it with me directly. I have gone through enough stress. Screw it. I quit.
I'm a little worried/nervous. It's been a long time since I have not worked. When I was a stay at home wife with my first husband, I quickly became a slave in some aspects. I had to beg for money for ANYTHING. When I had to ask if I could please have some money for tampons, I knew it was ridiculous. So...yeah part of me worries.
However, for now I am going to concentrate on enjoying the last bit of my pregnancy with no one yelling at me over their TV. Yee haw!!
I slept a few hours and then read the rest. It's AMAZING! I loved it. Once the move is completely done and the apartment just a 3-floor memory, I will read it again. It's possibly my favorite in the series, which is a really tough call. It's also a bummer for me to think there will not be other books. However, I think she did an excellent job and treated the whole thing in the best way in my opinion. My mom is now done -- course she completely cheated and read the end. It was maddening because she did it in front of us. We were all sitting around the kitchen table getting started at 12:20 and she kept making noises of exclamation. I finally had to threaten physical violence.
Tom is not done yet, neither is my dad which is sorta maddening because it takes a lot of effort not to let anything slip when they talk about theories and where they are in the book. For the last book that came out I had to give my dad an ultimatum --finish in 3 days or I am blowing the ending. Course I didn't but dang it's hard!
In other news, I quit my job yesterday. Wasn't my plan, but sometimes things happen that make you realize it's time to go.
I was "getting feedback" from my manager yesterday morning. We get semi-annual reviews. Well, we do now, it used to just be annual but hey, whatever. I got raves, except "Meridith seems to have lost focus lately" Really? I wonder why that would be. Not that I haven't been doing my job just fine lately, but I seem scattered.
That wasn't the trigger. The subject of my pregnancy came up. Since there is the possibility of a c-section, this makes a difference in my leave. Or it could. Now, I am also currently covered under the FMLA act. I have so many hours I can use for doc's appointments, feeling like crud or anything related to my pregnancy. It's federal law and it protects my job. So my manager tells me she is "going to try to win Marci (my general manager, her boss) back over to my side" I ask what this means since I was not aware she wasn't "on my side"
Well she mentioned that you are "just another pregnant lady who calls in throughout her pregnancy." I'm sorry...WHAT? Um...ok. This is time I am legally entitled to and frankly, if it's a huge problem, why I am hearing about it now? I was also just plain surprised she actually said this out loud to me. Pretty unprofessional to repeat it to me as well if it was actually said.
What else comes out of this meeting? One of the other coaches says he should get my shift because he's always here and he deserves it. Again -- why is this being repeated to me? Now, normally I don't care about what sort of gossip is said about me. I am one of the top performing coaches EVERY time. Every time, not once in awhile, every time. My team's stats (which is the only thing call centers every care about) are always good. For the first 3 quarters were the top team. So it's maddening to hear that there is some question NOW.
So I left her office shortly after that went to my break. Being a rational pregnant lady -- I started to cry. There are not many things that I detest doing. Crying anywhere public, is one of them. How was supposed to feel ok about using leave until I go into labor? Yeah I decided now was the time. Obviously it was an issue, even if they wouldn't address it with me directly. I have gone through enough stress. Screw it. I quit.
I'm a little worried/nervous. It's been a long time since I have not worked. When I was a stay at home wife with my first husband, I quickly became a slave in some aspects. I had to beg for money for ANYTHING. When I had to ask if I could please have some money for tampons, I knew it was ridiculous. So...yeah part of me worries.
However, for now I am going to concentrate on enjoying the last bit of my pregnancy with no one yelling at me over their TV. Yee haw!!
7.18.2007
Dumbledore's Army
Yes when it comes to Harry Potter, I am a fantastic nerd. Mom and I will be standing in line at the midnight sale at Border's on Friday. We have done it for every book. This will be a little harder since I have a pirate who loves to kick the crap out of me at night. That and I will be awake longer than I normally am. Well awake and standing.
The biggest challenge will be not getting home and reading the book straight through until I am done. I usually finish the next day. However we are moving out of our apartment on Sunday and I will be finishing packing and freaking out on Saturday. Ugh. However, I will no longer have to walk 3 flights of stairs every darn day. That I am super excited about. Then I just have to get through work and the next few weeks.
I have seen the newest movie twice. I dig the movies, but for completely selfish reasons, I am always bummed that they cannot include everything. Course Order of the Phoenix is 800 pages, so something has to go or the movie would be a year long. Which I would still watch in all honesty. Me and about 4 other people probably.
Tom and I joke all the time that Jack will probably end up hating Pirates, Harry Potter and pretty much everything we love because we get so nerdy about everything. He has heard 2 Potter books in utero because we read them out loud to each other. Yep. Nerds.
The biggest challenge will be not getting home and reading the book straight through until I am done. I usually finish the next day. However we are moving out of our apartment on Sunday and I will be finishing packing and freaking out on Saturday. Ugh. However, I will no longer have to walk 3 flights of stairs every darn day. That I am super excited about. Then I just have to get through work and the next few weeks.
I have seen the newest movie twice. I dig the movies, but for completely selfish reasons, I am always bummed that they cannot include everything. Course Order of the Phoenix is 800 pages, so something has to go or the movie would be a year long. Which I would still watch in all honesty. Me and about 4 other people probably.
Tom and I joke all the time that Jack will probably end up hating Pirates, Harry Potter and pretty much everything we love because we get so nerdy about everything. He has heard 2 Potter books in utero because we read them out loud to each other. Yep. Nerds.
7.17.2007
Boy oh Boy
Went to the doctor again today. Going every 2 weeks is pretty strange. Every 4 weeks seemed like it was pretty far away -- now it feels like as soon as I leave, I am going back.
So my little boy apparently likes having his head up. Today the doctor brought up the possibility that I may need to have a c-section. She told me at the next appointment, I will have an ultrasound and we can decide if we can get him to move "by pushing the heck out of your stomach." Of course it's harder now because he's a lot bigger so there isn't a ton of wiggle room for him now. However he does move quite a bit so there is a chance he will decide to point his little head down.
It's strange, I never really considered that I would be having a c-section. I have been debating wanting an epidural or other pain meds, never really thought about not needing to make the choice. Interesting.
However it's not set in stone yet. We shall see what happens. I suppose on the positive side, I can probably miss the 9/11 date if we have come to that. So I will wait and see what my little pirate decides to do.
So my little boy apparently likes having his head up. Today the doctor brought up the possibility that I may need to have a c-section. She told me at the next appointment, I will have an ultrasound and we can decide if we can get him to move "by pushing the heck out of your stomach." Of course it's harder now because he's a lot bigger so there isn't a ton of wiggle room for him now. However he does move quite a bit so there is a chance he will decide to point his little head down.
It's strange, I never really considered that I would be having a c-section. I have been debating wanting an epidural or other pain meds, never really thought about not needing to make the choice. Interesting.
However it's not set in stone yet. We shall see what happens. I suppose on the positive side, I can probably miss the 9/11 date if we have come to that. So I will wait and see what my little pirate decides to do.
7.05.2007
baby got back
Holy cow I am now gaining weight. Ok, it's like 3 pounds but it's pretty amazing to finally see a baby belly that sticks out a little past my boobs. I am also experiencing swelling which is very very attractive. I am sure a lot of it is the heat but on the 4th I looked down after spending the afternoon with the folks and OH MAN! I had CANKLES!!
My legs have always been pretty decent. Shapely overall especially for someone as short as myself, with thin ankles. Yeah -- those are gone. Give me a couple hours on my feet and I no longer recognize this part of my body. Completely strange.
On a different note...July 4th has always been a mixed bag for me. Don't get me wrong, I really do love my country. The freedoms (those that haven't been reduced in the name of safety or such in post-9/11 times) we enjoy are something to appreciate. And here is where I start to have my problems. This country still has racism, sexism, we do not acknowledge that homosexuals are people who deserve basic human rights and freedoms. Our homeless population tends to be made up primarily of our veterans and the mentally ill and in the last few years, more and more families. There are thousands who do not have health insurance, a safe place to live or access to a decent education. So as I am watching tv and seeing fireworks and listening to the 1812 Overture it makes me happy and sad. I really wish the country celebrated its birthday, I wish the people here were all truly free.
Just to show that I am not a complete jerk and hater of all things U.S. here is a Merf is a sap moment. My sister flew in today for a week and Jack's baby shower. As we were waiting for her to come up the stairs after the train; I saw a young soldier in his desert cammies come up. His 2 kids ran up to him holding a sign 'Welcome Home Popi we missed you!" and jumped into his arms. His wife gave him a hug and kiss and started to cry. At this moment, I started to bawl. For all my cynicism, I am not heartless and I appreciate the sacrifice this man and his family made.
So there you go...I'm not all bad
My legs have always been pretty decent. Shapely overall especially for someone as short as myself, with thin ankles. Yeah -- those are gone. Give me a couple hours on my feet and I no longer recognize this part of my body. Completely strange.
On a different note...July 4th has always been a mixed bag for me. Don't get me wrong, I really do love my country. The freedoms (those that haven't been reduced in the name of safety or such in post-9/11 times) we enjoy are something to appreciate. And here is where I start to have my problems. This country still has racism, sexism, we do not acknowledge that homosexuals are people who deserve basic human rights and freedoms. Our homeless population tends to be made up primarily of our veterans and the mentally ill and in the last few years, more and more families. There are thousands who do not have health insurance, a safe place to live or access to a decent education. So as I am watching tv and seeing fireworks and listening to the 1812 Overture it makes me happy and sad. I really wish the country celebrated its birthday, I wish the people here were all truly free.
Just to show that I am not a complete jerk and hater of all things U.S. here is a Merf is a sap moment. My sister flew in today for a week and Jack's baby shower. As we were waiting for her to come up the stairs after the train; I saw a young soldier in his desert cammies come up. His 2 kids ran up to him holding a sign 'Welcome Home Popi we missed you!" and jumped into his arms. His wife gave him a hug and kiss and started to cry. At this moment, I started to bawl. For all my cynicism, I am not heartless and I appreciate the sacrifice this man and his family made.
So there you go...I'm not all bad
6.23.2007
everyone will want to look just like me
Really haven't meant to be completely scarce. Physically I am tired a lot of the time. It's much harder to sleep through the night and get myself to work by 6 am everyday. Oi. Leg cramps let me sleep about an hour at a time before I need to move and shift. Our bed is tiny so lucky Tom gets to be awake every time. It's a double bed which under normal circumstances is not bad -- however with an expanding wife who needs to move all the time, I imagine it feels more like a twin. I know it does to me.
However -- I am in the home stretch! Hard to fathom at this point. Yes the day to day has not seemed to go quickly at all -- but here we are. I start my two week visits now. Thursday I had the joy of drinking yummy glucose to test for diabetes. Not as bad as they psyched me up for it to be. Never my drink of choice of course and WAY more sugar than I have been taking in lately, but I managed. I have still kept my weight about the same. Weird. Although I have a little bump now. With my boobs that's not saying much. I think my friends are disappointed because they all wanted to see me pregnant and it's hard to tell.
I chopped all my hair off. I have little to no patience with any sort of "beauty-type" maintenance. I am damn lazy about it. Plus it doesn't make that big of a difference. I suppose I should care more but I don't and certainly not now. So my hair which was growing like mad was getting to be pretty long -- in the Meridith sense. Which is almost my shoulders. Add a little record heat and the fact I have to blow dry it or it curls in the weirdest spots and it equals me walking into the closest place the wield scissors and declare "shave me bald!" Ok, not bald. But very short. My mom will hate it. She always sorta signs when I give up looking more feminine. However I know myself. I am not putting effort into my hair NOW, never have...add a newborn and I am likely to look damn scary after a bit. This way, it will dry and look...short. I went sorta Keira Knightly in "Domino" short. Of course she's way hotter than me. :) Tom likes it a lot. All I need is the man I love to look at pics of me with shorter hair and say "wow, I really like your hair short" and I am off and running. Woo hoo!
I am finally having baby type dreams. Last night I changed a diaper. Although in my dream I had Jack and a little girl. I have also had dreams that they missed it in the ultrasound (or added it as it were) and I am actually having a girl. Wouldn't that be interesting?
I am also having to pack up the apartment for us to move out at the end of this month. Ugh. Let me tell you how daunting a task that is. My folks are heading out east and we will be living in their house. At least for the time being. The grander scheme is we will all be out in PA in the next year. Closer to my sister and brother. It's nice because we will be rent free in their house. Of course I have a ton of stuff. Painting supplies, my weirdo doll collection, Tom's 3 guitars and other musical gadgets. Yeah it's going to be a bitch. However I won't have 3 flights of apartment steps to walk.
Tomorrow we will be at Pride. At least for a bit. I have gone every year for the last 5 or 6. Mom is excited because she gets to come with again this year. It will be Tom's second time and my second time not on the prowl. Got to see my Dykes on Bikes. Yummy. Course it's another record breaker they are saying for tomorrow so I am only planning on a couple of hours after the parade. Prego in 98 degrees...now THAT is sexy.
However -- I am in the home stretch! Hard to fathom at this point. Yes the day to day has not seemed to go quickly at all -- but here we are. I start my two week visits now. Thursday I had the joy of drinking yummy glucose to test for diabetes. Not as bad as they psyched me up for it to be. Never my drink of choice of course and WAY more sugar than I have been taking in lately, but I managed. I have still kept my weight about the same. Weird. Although I have a little bump now. With my boobs that's not saying much. I think my friends are disappointed because they all wanted to see me pregnant and it's hard to tell.
I chopped all my hair off. I have little to no patience with any sort of "beauty-type" maintenance. I am damn lazy about it. Plus it doesn't make that big of a difference. I suppose I should care more but I don't and certainly not now. So my hair which was growing like mad was getting to be pretty long -- in the Meridith sense. Which is almost my shoulders. Add a little record heat and the fact I have to blow dry it or it curls in the weirdest spots and it equals me walking into the closest place the wield scissors and declare "shave me bald!" Ok, not bald. But very short. My mom will hate it. She always sorta signs when I give up looking more feminine. However I know myself. I am not putting effort into my hair NOW, never have...add a newborn and I am likely to look damn scary after a bit. This way, it will dry and look...short. I went sorta Keira Knightly in "Domino" short. Of course she's way hotter than me. :) Tom likes it a lot. All I need is the man I love to look at pics of me with shorter hair and say "wow, I really like your hair short" and I am off and running. Woo hoo!
I am finally having baby type dreams. Last night I changed a diaper. Although in my dream I had Jack and a little girl. I have also had dreams that they missed it in the ultrasound (or added it as it were) and I am actually having a girl. Wouldn't that be interesting?
I am also having to pack up the apartment for us to move out at the end of this month. Ugh. Let me tell you how daunting a task that is. My folks are heading out east and we will be living in their house. At least for the time being. The grander scheme is we will all be out in PA in the next year. Closer to my sister and brother. It's nice because we will be rent free in their house. Of course I have a ton of stuff. Painting supplies, my weirdo doll collection, Tom's 3 guitars and other musical gadgets. Yeah it's going to be a bitch. However I won't have 3 flights of apartment steps to walk.
Tomorrow we will be at Pride. At least for a bit. I have gone every year for the last 5 or 6. Mom is excited because she gets to come with again this year. It will be Tom's second time and my second time not on the prowl. Got to see my Dykes on Bikes. Yummy. Course it's another record breaker they are saying for tomorrow so I am only planning on a couple of hours after the parade. Prego in 98 degrees...now THAT is sexy.
5.16.2007
Under pressure
I have said it before, I miss my meds. The last 2 weeks have been a psychotic mess. Well I have been a psychotic mess, the rest of the world has had me in it. Everything makes me cry. EVERY THING. It frustrates me. My job is not a calm one. Some days are better than others, but most of them involve some jerk screaming at me about something.
I have been doing this as supervisor for almost 4 years. I think I do a damn good job. Well, I used to think I did. Lately, I can't handle it. The questions are fine, I will do anything I can for any of my agents, but I can't keep my cool on the phone. I can feel my heart pounding and it's pretty much a given some ass is going to threaten to sue me personally or fly out to CO and kick my ass and I am going to hang up the phone and I am going to cry. I feel unprofessional, I feel helpless and I feel like my fellow employees are sick of me. Hell *I* am sick of me.
It's also raising my blood pressure. Not so good. The last 3 doctor's appointments, my pressure has been steadily going up. My blood pressure has always been good. So to see it creeping to borderline hypertension, it makes me even more upset. I do not want my anxiety and my damn job to cause problems for my pregnancy. A pregnancy I have been wanting forever. And yet...my work ethic and pride are a constant dialogue in my head "you have to do this, you cannot put yourself first, this is your job." A job, like any other that would get rid of me if it suited business needs without such moral mental juggling. It's business right? So why can't I tell myself that it's ok to think to myself "Jack is more important than all of this?"
My mom...geez what would I do without her? She is like a constant bubble of positive. If anyone needs a cheerleader -- my mom will back you 200% She keeps me sane. I talk to her on break -- at least on the days that hearing her voice doesn't make me cry. It's her voice is the positive dialogue in my head.
Tom...poor Tom. He must think he is married to a complete weirdo. (well he IS, but it's worse now) It's his birthday tomorrow and he gets to deal with me crying, panic attacks that have resurfaced and all the while getting used to the idea of being a daddy. I am lucky to have him since he stays much more calm than I am lately. I am trying to be a decent wife while I want to curl up into a ball and forget the world for a bit.
So...I am going to do myself to pull myself together and be a little easier on myself. I am trying to make myself think positive thoughts and convince myself I can keep going to work without it making me sick. Wish me luck.
I have been doing this as supervisor for almost 4 years. I think I do a damn good job. Well, I used to think I did. Lately, I can't handle it. The questions are fine, I will do anything I can for any of my agents, but I can't keep my cool on the phone. I can feel my heart pounding and it's pretty much a given some ass is going to threaten to sue me personally or fly out to CO and kick my ass and I am going to hang up the phone and I am going to cry. I feel unprofessional, I feel helpless and I feel like my fellow employees are sick of me. Hell *I* am sick of me.
It's also raising my blood pressure. Not so good. The last 3 doctor's appointments, my pressure has been steadily going up. My blood pressure has always been good. So to see it creeping to borderline hypertension, it makes me even more upset. I do not want my anxiety and my damn job to cause problems for my pregnancy. A pregnancy I have been wanting forever. And yet...my work ethic and pride are a constant dialogue in my head "you have to do this, you cannot put yourself first, this is your job." A job, like any other that would get rid of me if it suited business needs without such moral mental juggling. It's business right? So why can't I tell myself that it's ok to think to myself "Jack is more important than all of this?"
My mom...geez what would I do without her? She is like a constant bubble of positive. If anyone needs a cheerleader -- my mom will back you 200% She keeps me sane. I talk to her on break -- at least on the days that hearing her voice doesn't make me cry. It's her voice is the positive dialogue in my head.
Tom...poor Tom. He must think he is married to a complete weirdo. (well he IS, but it's worse now) It's his birthday tomorrow and he gets to deal with me crying, panic attacks that have resurfaced and all the while getting used to the idea of being a daddy. I am lucky to have him since he stays much more calm than I am lately. I am trying to be a decent wife while I want to curl up into a ball and forget the world for a bit.
So...I am going to do myself to pull myself together and be a little easier on myself. I am trying to make myself think positive thoughts and convince myself I can keep going to work without it making me sick. Wish me luck.
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